I'm scared.

I think that sometimes, all of us as parents, put on such a facade that things are good and we forget to be real about the situation. I have always been one to pride myself of being real about everything and pretty blunt. But now that the dynamics have changed, I really have to get my true feelings out there. I am not sure if you know, but since I have moved to Huntsville 6 years ago, I have let go the true feeling of being an "official" parent. Because I didn't really know anyone here and had all my suppport in Birmingham, I decided to leave Leah down there, focus on school, and get her every weekend, which for the last 6 years, is what I did. And we have talked every single day since that day that I left Bham. Now that school is done and the degree is got, Leah is finally here with me. I have been waiting for this day for so long and I am so glad its here. I am truly enjoying it so much, but as a mom, my nerves have been eating away at me. I am just so scared and nervous. I am scared that I am going to mess this up. I am scared I am going to fail as a mom. I am scared, because I am a single mom and I am really doing this by myself, not that much support where I am. I am scared that the people that were important to me, that called themselves my friend or even something more, will show their true colors, and not be there. This is the time on my life where I am needing my friends to be supportive and help me and I feel like they aren't there, so I actually feel alone. Don't get me wrong, I am so glad Leah is here, because just seeing how happy she is being here, makes me happy and makes me excited about the future, but I still have my fears. I guess as the days go along, I will be more comfortable and my fears will be calmed down. I know that this is going to take alot of prayer to make it. And I guess the people that really support me, will still be here, even though things will be different. But the good thing is that I am ready for this. I am ready to learn my child and really have the opportunity for us to be close. I am ready for change and this is a good change. I wanted something in my life to be different. We are gonna be fine. I have to be strong, regardless of how I feel and at this point, remember everyday, she is my number 1. Right now, she will be my all and complete me, regardless of who stays and who goes.