Me...

Hi loves,
It has been quite a crazy week with so many things going on as far as the cats and I have had midterms and my mind has been going all over the place. On my fashion blog this morning, I posted about how much I miss love. And I really do miss it lots. But at the same time, it got me thinking....about the relationship that was most recent that I was in. In looking back now, I honestly became the worse version of me. It has never been as bad as this time around and tinking about the person I became, really makes me wants to cringe.
I have always been the independent, speak your mind person, with lots to offer and an outgoing personality. And being with that person, I got lost in the mix. I started cussing, which is something that never was this bad. I started yelling at him. My trust dwindled. I started being the needy, crazy, overbearing girlfriend. And the good thing about me is when I notice these things, I make sure to eliminate what gets me that way.
It saddens me to think, that once again, I let a man in and decided I didn't exist. Was I that lonely that accepting my own bad behavior was the way to go? Maybe I was that lonely, but now that it is all coming to me, I will always have to remember that I have to set the example for someone that means the world to me. She looks on at every move and will think that both of our behaviors are acceptable and that is not the message I am trying to send to her. I also have to remember, that having someone in your life doesn't automatically equal happiness. It doesn't. The one thing about being single, is you are free. No hurtful strings, the only person who can hurt you, is you.
I think one thing that I am going to have to do from this point on is pray everyday that God will make me a stronger person and be able to handle this single life. That God will fulfill my life and take the loneliness away, so that I can cope. That I will have the opportunity for myself to build my relationship with him first. I have to accept that when he is ready for someone special to be in my life, he will provide that person, if he feels it necessary, and when he provides it, it will be someone amazing. Someone who knows how to respect me and loves me for me. Someone that will think that I am beautiful. Someone that will want to spend time with me. And do nice things just because. Someone who can respect my child as much as I do. Someone who is attractive and a christian. Someone who will be my friend. That is my prayer and from today on, I am going to strive to be a better person and always remain ME. Because I am wonderful.